. People will gossip and assume the worst!

Thanks to the media, most disabled people are now assumed to be layabout lazy benefit fraudsters. When I first had to use my stick my best friend said ‘is that to get the benefits is it?’ – nice one mate!

Everyone will assume because they saw you walking around town once and sat down having a meal with ya mum in Pizza Hut, that you are faking it on the days you can’t do those things. Because people who are healthy think disability is a continuous pattern in which you must suffer every single day in order to have the label of disabled.

.Getting treatment or support won’t come easy!

Most people won’t be able to access the treatments the GP tells them they need. For example some years ago I was discharged form the mental health team having been told I needed at least 2 years of psychotherapy. I was told there was none on the NHS and I’d have to pay. At up to £50 a session, most can’t afford that. Especially those with untreated co morbid drug habits. I was fortunate enough to be able to supply myself with the treatment I need and continue to do today.

I have been on a waiting list for almost 9 months for a tilt test and physiotherapy…my condition continues to deteriorate while I wait and I can’t hurry it up or afford more private treatment.

.Everyone will claim to have the cure for all your ails but none of them tackle the real root!

I did everything advised to me. I did the yoga, the mindfulness, the cbd and reiki. I did the diets, the past life regression, the acupuncture and the Alexander technique to name but a few. I am still sick.

It might be worth mentioning the majority of my physical issues and all of my mental issues lay in the trauma from my abuse. CBD oil and yoga won’t solve that……

.When you think you’ve found the bottom of the pile, you’ll find more!

If you are tackling trauma, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you never get through all of it. You heal parts and learn to live with the rest.

.Flashbacks are not what you think!

For some they are curled up in a corner screaming because the scene is replaying in front of their eyes but for some it is an all day horror show of flashing images, nausea, intense onset of inappropriate emotion and not knowing if you can stay present or if you’ll drop into dissociation.

The person having the flashback may appear completely normal. They could look like they are simply staring into space of they can be having a panic attack or just rubbing their eyes so hard they almost pop their eyeball.

.Sometimes abuse survivors must maintain contact with their abuser!

That’s the cold hard facts. Sometimes we have to learn to live with what happened, knowing we may never get a sorry.

It is easy to say ‘well if someone did that to me I’d leave them to look after themselves,’ until you are actually the person having to face that choice.

.Some people will try to compare or outdo you!

‘Oh I have that symptom’ or ‘well I have to go through this *inset worst case possible*’

Apparently disability is a competition. If you have a pain, someone else has it AND they have the cure…the one cure that didn’t work for you; yoga and a clear quartz crystal grid, blessed by the Tibetan monks of the deep dark forest on mars *insert eye roll*

People will also tell you others have it worse and you should be thankful. This will make you want to kill yourself sometimes. Let’s be honest, you are already thankful but you are probably wishing you didn’t have to live like this either and that is PERFECTLY OK. Your suffering is real and your feelings are valid. Suffering is not a competition.


2 thoughts on “Things you learn when having a chronic or mental illness

  1. I totally agree with everything you’ve said! Especially the last part about disability not being a competition. Sadly I have a family member who believes it is and I hate having conversations about my health and their health with them because they have to be the most unwell person on the planet, no one is allowed to be more unwell as they are! I do a lot of eye rolling when I’m around them. And I can’t stand when others gossip about my health, if they want to know anything all they need to do is ask 🙊


    1. See I’m lucky I don’t get that with my mother really but my Nan used to tell my mum she wasn’t sick coz my auntie had MS and fibro and lupus were not real lol


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