As many regular readers know, I have recently relocated.
I am slowly finding my way about the neighbourhood on days I am able to take shirt walks and today I focused on taking a bit of exercise by finding the shortcut to town.
I found it. It cuts my previous journey in more than half and is a quiet route with less traffic and even a seating area for my bad days.
So what’s the problem? The crossing. I have to cross train tracks on foot, on an unsupervised crossing.
‘And? What’s the problem? I hear you quip.
Any regular readers may recall a previous blog post where I talked quite openly about my previous brushes with suicide and how I had stalked a local train station back in 2012, with the intention of a well placed track jump in order to off myself for good.
My most recent brush with suicidal intention was November 2017! That’s,easy than 6 months ago and my mental health is still not what it once was. I am currently with no mental health team’s support and I am in a new town where I have no family or friends. I am alone and very much at my mind’s mercy, which could be disastrous should it turn sour.
Am I worried? You bet your bottom pocket fluff I am! This leaves me in a testing time indeed. See, that’s how it feels to me, like God is constantly testing me to make sure I’m still one of his warriors. But what if I fail? What becomes of the failed warrior?