We all live in a polarity. Good and bad things happen to us, although sometimes, especially with a disability, it can be hard to acknowledge any good.

Today I want to do a little mix of a ‘get it off my chest’ and some gratitude.

Gratitude is important and practicing this each morning has certainly changed my outlook and helped me manage my mindset on bad days. I make a point of telling others how grateful I am for them and all they contribute to my life as well as this world.

So I’m gonna start with the bad stuff; all that negative energy bouncing around in there. Why do I always start with the bad? Because I like to put all my negatives out there and turn them into positives.

1) I hate the fact I am often unable to take long walks in woods alone anymore. I miss being able to walk anywhere and I resent that I am having to have a mobility scooter delivered next week so I can attempt to get my independence back. I mean, how does a fitness instructor end up like this. It’s so unfair.

2) My father. I don’t want him in my life anymore, every time he has been around I get really sick. Seriously, I get full body and mind flares and this whole illness began when he come strutting back into my life demanding I take care of my ‘poor old dad’ now wife number 4 had woken up and walk away. But I’m to scared of him to tell him to jog the fuck on, unlike my siblings.

3) My lack of social life. I have no friends and few acquaintances. I miss going out drinking and the gym and the fact I can’t do these anymore leaves me wondering how I make new friends in this town. I know it will likely have to be through church or clubs aimed at mentally ill people and unfortunately many other people with my illness are really struggling with things like depression and they tend to bring me down with their negative outlook and refusal to try and find some good in their life. Not their fault in the slightest but that’s always been a big issue in my relationships and leads to disaster for me. I don’t know how to make friends, I can’t develop healthy connections and I’m bored of being alone.

Notice how all of these hates can be changed? I can change them but there are barriers I have to cross to make change. But that’s the hard part isn’t it? Change scares us, changes causes us to face ourselves and change of course, leads to change, which we don’t always want on a subconscious level. It’s self sabotage.

So what am am I loving in my life?

1) My new home. I love the ways it’s looking and how much more motivated I am to actually take care of it. I love where we are located and how content Maggie is watching the birds. I love the shops, the walks, the locals seem ok and I love the energy. I am relaxed here, as much as a person with anxiety can be, and a I am so glad I took the risk to move out of town. This change has paid off.

2) The fact I am now set to do my degree online. No more stress about train fares and having to manage a classroom environment. I can get my life together from my desk chair and feel totally safe whilst doing it.

3) I’m writing again. I’m updating my blog almost daily and although I am behind, I am doing 30 minutes a day on my autobiography. It’s not going to the strict plan I had, I am just going with the flow which is a real hardship for me but it’s all good practice and you know what? I’m learning the art of patience and flow this year which is awesome because my word of the year was ‘patience.’ I’m super proud of all I have achieved so far and it’s only April.

Looking at all those loves I can see those are things I made happen. Nobody else delivered, I manifested that and so there’s every chance I can manifest the states of the hates. See that’s the great thing about showing gratitude and acknowledging those tiny little goods in life, even if it’s just ‘I saw a dog walk by today,’ it changes you. It shows you what your reality really is and how easily you can change it.

Now I know that’s a lot to read but talking of mindsets, let me quickly share a story from something that happened this week.

Someone I know was speaking harshly about one of their ‘friends.’ He was saying quite dark things and I couldn’t help but wonder why he even chose to maintain the connection.

Anyway, I asked him to tell me ONE GOOD thing about that person. He did really well and right off the bat named THREE good things. And then, he said BUT. I cut him off straight away and said ‘no I asked for one good thing and you managed three, don’t turn it back to negatives, sit with those positives a while.’

The fact he couldn’t resist that turn around to negatives again went to show that his friend wasn’t the only problem in their pairing. He has a negative mindset and chooses to reflect on negatives and therefore is likely attracting other negative mindset people.

Karma soon bit his ass though after he made a scene at a roundabout by stopping and swearing at a car who almost hit us. Accidents happen but we escaped unharmed, no big deal but he had to play the role of punisher and judge. But then he promptly tripped up a kerb and landed face down in the road. It’s almost as if the universe was trying to get his attention and say ‘hey why yo trippin over the small stuff homie!’ Needless to say, I have severed that negative connection after being accused of abusing him by not agreeing with his view about the friend.

And on that note I will leave you with this; don’t be afraid to be positive. You’ll loose friends and stuff but there’s a reason for that. As you change yourself for the better, you’ll lose things that are bad for you. And don’t be a ‘but‘ person. Name 3 things you are grateful for in life today; I’d love to hear them 🙂