Functional neurological disorder is unstable. It knows not what it wants from life and has no idea where it is going and when. It is disorganised, chaotic and cruel and I am not these things.
We are a paradox sharing a body.
I guess that’s what makes this disability such an intense lesson for me, I truly am learning the art of patience. Because, you see, FND is like a child or maybe the new Hitler, it’s hard to say.
I am forced to cater to its needs and live at its pace. I always lived by my own pace, I was fast and slapdash and never stopped to smell the roses but these days I’m lucky if I can get out to smell the roses at all.
My life has changed dramatically since summer 2016. I hardly recognise myself from the fitness obsessed girl that used to be on the go, socialising and itching for a hike, to the girl who has little interest in anything, no friends and would tear her skin right off for a walk around the woods.
Disability changes us. It teaches us lessons we never thought a need to learn. Disability is life changing and devastating. Disability is more than a mobility aid or medication; it’s an unseen force of devastation.