I’m having my hair coloured today but out of the blue I have decided to have a dramatic cut. This may not seem like a drama based idea to many but for someone with strong emotional flares and personality alterations, it could be disastrous in a few days.
You see, I’m prone to changes of identity. I may not have the same interest in clothing or hairstyles tomorrow, I may not be feeling so feminine and strong next week and I may not even recall my name in a few hours. This are issues someone with dissociation may I present with and these have all occurred to me before.
How did I end up with a multiple state of being? Well, trauma, so medical professionals tell me. But nobody has really explained how. I’d suggest it was my ever evolving state of having to adapt to my evil environment and therefore not having a solid state of identity as an adult.
I mean, I always had to be someone else. I had to be silent around Andy, careful around dad, a loud leader around my friends and I was constantly confused around my mother. To this day, I can’t tell you who I am or what my identifying features and quirks would be. My reply would change from one day to the next. My reality changes from one day to the next.
I will take the risk. I have been impulsive and mind muddled lately. I’ve never regretted a dramatic change before but on saying that, I have never loved my long hair before.
Well I want to grow out my undercut, so I guess this is sacrifice time. I have to give up the length to grow the short; a meeting in the middle you might say. Wow! I don’t think anything about me has ever been in the grey area before.