It’s been a while since I wrote.

That psychiatrist has truly messed me up. He was cruel and pedantic and left me mind reeling with suicidal thoughts and deflated from hope. They often have this effect on me.

I won’t talk about the whole thing but I am appealing for a second opinion and making a complaint about the entire Norfolk/Suffolk mental health care and it’s inability to actually provide this mental health care, no doubt partially due to government funds or lack of it but also incapable staff who seem to have no idea they have a duty of care.

But here are some key points-

1) He retracted my diagnosis of both CPTSD, FND and dissociation disorder. This out my off writing on my blog. I feel like a fraud, like I have no right raising any awareness for these illnesses, as I have done the last year. Firstly he is not a neurologist and has no medical knowledge of neurological disorders, a disorder of which my neurologist observed ‘positive’ signs; meaning real signs of a real disorder. He has taken back everything I have been working on accepting and understanding and healing from the last year. He has snatched away the diagnosis of 2 psychologists, 1 therapist and 2 neurologists and dismissed them all.

2) he has rediagnosed me during our 30 minute appointment with unstable personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, dissociative convulsions and factitious disorder with a question mark. I no longer meet the DSMV criteria for EUPD and I definitely don’t fit the APD criteria by a long shot; I never have. These appeared to be based on the very few things he asked about my past dating back to my early 20s only. He said he can’t prove I’m making up my neurological disability but he suspects I am doing it for money. But like I said above, I have positive signs and 4 professionals for backing. Oh and an OT who assessed me and now a GP who diagnosed me with fibromyalgia a few days ago.

3) he didn’t ask about my childhood and it was only his colleague that dared to ask about my kids. He only cared about my minimal criminal history (2 caution ps as a teen and a dropped case at age 20) and how I felt about those. He was also very preoccupied with my work situation and whether or not I was on benefits. These were his major interests, that and the symptoms of a disorder he was not trained to diagnose or treat.

He was critical and cruel. He has left me up shit creek without a paddle. He has damaged my chances of other medical staff treating me or taking me seriously, especially if I end up in the emergency room.

He has labelled me in my file as violent and aggressive towards staff which was totally untrue. I didn’t even shout. He has labelled me as my father, the biggest insult he could have dished out.

I did do some research into factitious disorder, I didn’t dismiss the idea totally at all. One key feature is that people’s symptoms go away when they get what they want. He thinks I am doing it for benefits. I was already on benefits for my mental state when my neurological disability started. I had my ‘secondary reward’ before I was apparently making up a disability.

The man had no idea. He completely lacked empathy and ability to care. Highly unprofessional for a doctor and delighted in it when I told him he had made me angry. He literally cocked his head to one side and smiled, a sadistic little man who loves to have power. He needs is license removing.

Dr Alan Kershaw, of CMHT, Bury North integration team, Exening road, Newmarket, needs his own mental health assessing and a suspension at the least while he is investigated for malpractice. He is abusing his authority and I’ll bet anything others have suffered at his hands but not been under this abusive institutional abuse before and so they kept quiet. Well I won’t. I am a fighter, I’m alive because I fight. If my father can’t take me down, Kershaw won’t.