My upstairs neighbour keeps me awake at night and disturbs my day almost daily.

Last night she woke me at 2am. Literally just with her fat loud mouth. I’m exhausted from it all. Couple this with a snoring boyfriend who refuses to see a GP about his ongoing nasal issues, I get minimal sleep some nights; leading to more symptoms.

The thing is, I keep my gob shut. I don’t say anything or defend myself for the sake of keeping peace and not wanting to start a drama.

This is just another rage I swallow and keep inside to satisfy others and stop others thinking badly of me.

I’m sick of it. Literally sick. All this anger makes me bilious and I don’t see how I ever get rid of my nausea with all these unsaid furies festering in the depths of my gut.

I spent a lifetime with disrupted sleep. I deserve some fucking peace now. I deserve to feel safe and enjoy the silence of the night without someone else’s screaming and shouting stripping my skin from my bones. Many men before this already ruined the beauty of the silence and the darkness for me. I deserve to know that beauty.

I might just lose my shit today. I might just break and snap the neck of the next person who makes a noise (currently have a extended migraine so I can hear my hair grow) I might just rip her vocal cords out and bury them in my pansies’ bed.

But it’s most likely I’ll just sit and simmer resentfully and stare at the wall for the next 12 hours.

3 thoughts on “I want to die right now I swear tfg (a morning journal)

  1. I hope you get some peace and sleep soon. Thanks for sharing all the videos and writings. They have made me feel like there is somebody besides me going through this awful crap. FND Hope has been great too. All the best.


  2. Stupid question: Can you use earplugs? Or are these just as annoying as the aforementioned? By suggesting this will I end up getting slagged off in your next video?


    1. Firstly I am slightly offended by the fact you say I will slag you off in my next video. You asked a simple question irrelevant to the theme of my videos; my disability. The only time I have slagged off people in general in my videos is when they ask insensitive questions about my illness. Something you should know about. This was an unfair thing to say and made me sound like an over sensitive bully.
      Yes I have tried earplugs but find them painful. But thank you for the suggestion regardless


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