I feel down again.

I can always tell when I am down because cause I stop feeling anything at all. I no longer feel driven or motivated, I don’t want to do anything, if that which I love and I drop all my routines.

It’s to early in the month for PMS and there are no bad circumstances in my life, so it’s a chemical drop.

I’ve been on St John’s Wort for a couple of months now. Once I settled on it I dropped to one every other day and when I began to notice I was depressed again, a few weeks ago, I started one a day again. But it’s been a couple of weeks now and I seem to be getting worse.

I eat constantly; all bad foods. I am staring into space and losing time again. I am isolating myself, I feel void of anything but worrying and I just don’t feel anything positive.

I start uni soon. I should be excited and getting ready to shop for stationary and planning a new and exciting future. Instead make like, ‘this is awesome, I can’t wait,’ in a flat monotone voice.

I don’t know what to do now. With SJW not doing what it did in the short term, I am out of options.

I see my GP on the 7/8/18 but there is literally nothing she can do. They won’t prescribe me SSRI antidepressants or anything else for depression, SJW was my last hope of helping myself.

I am continuing with therapy every week. I WAS exercising and enjoying things again but I’ve lost that. I use oils and crystals etc but I’m still a miserable cunt and it seems to be a repeating cycle no matter what I do and I done so fucking much for myself over the years.

It’s days like this I want to give up coz even if it passes, it will always come back and I can’t cut it out my life like a person. I’m a slave to my brains inability to sustain my mood in a upward motion.