*please note this is not a full timeline of events from my life. This contains just the major themes.

1986- born

1990- in session with a child psychologist age 4 due to temper tantrums and sleeping issues

1992- first memory of a sexual assault by another child and a family member

1994- first episode of self harm (bruising on arm from biting) age 8. This occurred the night before I started middle school.

1995- parents divorce

1997- first suicide attempt. Suffocation, interrupted by younger step- brother. I was age 11

1999- first episode of cutting age 13. Sexually assaulted by another child and a friends father

2001- diagnosed and medicated for depression age 15 by children’s community mental health team. Asked to leave family home, homeless, then into the care system.

More assults

2002- discussion on the possibility of ADHD but when I am asked to leave another family home, I lose my support system and medical care.

Raped

2004- birth of son age 18 and diagnosed with postnatal depression and medicated.

2005- diagnosed with bipolar and treated with lithium. Another suicide attempt. Many neurological tests are carried out for epilepsy, tumors etc due to the explosive and sudden change in personality.

2006- birth of second child. Taken off lithium immediately at 5 weeks gestation and I never get put back on it or offered an alternative. Sectioned whilst pregnant but no actual reason given. Baby taken at birth and I am discharged from the mental health unit 48 hours after birth

Both children removed from me and their fathers care after a lengthy mental health assessment ordered by social services. I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

Children put up for forced adoption. The reason- ‘risk of emotional harm due to the mothers long standing mental health issues stemming from her own childhood abuse.’ Essentially, they assumed the abused will become an abuser them self.

After the proceedings are over I am discharged from the mental health services being told BPD is not a mental health issue and they can’t help me.

2008- end of marriage and my childhood tics resurface. Another rape.

2009- unexpected pregnancy and birth of a third child. Currently on no medication and have been denied a referral back to mental health as I ‘do not have severe enough mental health issues.’

Social services decide they will take the child at birth when I am 37 weeks pregnant. I am forced to stay in hospital with her for 7 days awaiting the court day. They win.

Another lengthily assessment is ordered by two different psychologists. Both agree with support I can parent effectively and I have made huge progress.

The reason the child still ends up adopted ‘the past issues are still a concern.’

2010- finally get to see a psychiatrist. I am diagnosed with cyclothymic bipolar and told ‘google is a good resource to learn about the condition.’ I am discharged with no medication.

I develop OCD symptoms.

2011- GP agrees to try me on olanzipne and carbamazipine after the mental health team still refuse to take me on despite my growing suicidal tendencies. Neither are effective. I begin restrictive eating.

2012- raped

2013- after another 2 years of fighting I am prescribed quetiapine. It works very well and I make huge progress.

2014- I am still restrictive eating, bingeing and now purging with laxatives. I am diagnosed with binge eating disorder with bulimic tendencies. I am offered no ongoing support so I pay for therapy.

Raped once and assaulted multiple times,some of them friends

2015- finally referred and accepted by mental health services. My mood is beginning to fluctuate again. I am still paying for therapy.

2016- PTSD kicks in and severe anxiety soars. My FND starts. I start regression therapy.

2017- seizures start and I am diagnosed with PTSD and prescribed pregabalin, temporary diazipam and EDMR therapy. Still paying for own therapy.

2018 – I move to a new town.

I am officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.

I new psychiatrist re diagnoses me with unfair conditions and dismisses all other specialists opinions and diagnosis. I contest this and other things about the appointment and the trusts lack of care over the last 17 years. 5 months in and there is still no solution come too and I continue to fight.

I start university.

The mental health trust continue to write to me every month and tell me they are still trying to solve my complaint 6 months later, after I assured them I was nit satisfied with their outcome of their first response and would be taking it higher. They insisted I didn’t have to do that and they could handle it. By October I realise I’ve been played for a fool and they are trying to prolong this process and wait for me to give up.