I will start by saying this blog is not a place where I will discuss my traumas. I will always attempt not to trigger anyone or be graphic in details. I will also protect people (ironic I know) and not disgrace anyone for their role in my suffering.
This is a place to tidy away the mess is my mind between therapy sessions. I often find I am pummelled with thoughts. I am entangled in a poorly woven web of worrying and sometimes whimsical thoughts, as the spider in my mind proceeds to make sense of the material her subconscious has burdened her with.
I will write journal entries known as ‘the morning journals’ and I will write more informative posts such as ‘what a mental health label really says’ and ‘Toxic people.’
Some of my articles are posted via The American PTSD Association. Check them out on Instagram .
I have been in therapy for 4 years. I have had 4 therapists and several therapys. Each therapist and her method has bought me to a more desirable place in my emotional well being.
At one point I elected to quit therapy and see what happens if I quit feeding the past my weekly attention. It didn’t go well and I returned.
I was, in 2017, branded a new label by my formulating psychologist called C-PTSD! Apparently post traumatic stress isn’t just for war besmirched soldiers. No, it is for people with poor parentage, the prey of predators and victims of the corrupt systems that lull us into a sense of false security.
I also have some…neurological malfunctioning. Now, what the neurologist and what the psychologist call it, are two distinctively different things with opposing views. Not much assistance to someone who is already divided straight down the middle with frayed edges seeking to seam themselves back together.
I will call it FND or conversion disorder. I am Sigmund Freud’s idea of an asylum worthy hysterical female. If his spirit were to rise, it would surely attempt to throw me and my wretched womb woes under the bus.
The thinking behind this is seemingly complex illness is, that people who have suffered severe and repeated trauma, convert their mental and emotional suffering into physical manifestations; usually neurological. I’m in two minds about the theory but then I am in two minds about EVERYTHING.
So here I am facing all my fears, out of the safe space. Fear of letting go, fear of failure, fear of accepting my flaws and fear of facing my foes; my demons and my begone days.
Anyway, it would seem I have begun to ramble, as I often do and this is just the about my blog page. If I have managed to keep you gripped with my very unattractive situation, I hope you will continue to read what is to be rolled off my fingertips next time I have thoughts after therapy.