I’ve made a huge mistake and I want to die

I can't do this anymore. I can't do what I was doing forever. So you see, I have nowhere to run and this point. I'm all out of road to run and hills to hop. I'm stuck, once again, at a crossroads but I'm pretty sure all roads lead to a big drop with nothing but concrete at the bottom.


Blogs evolve with their people

Wow! This blog has laid long forgotten in the back of my mind. It is not because I am well. It is simply a product of my lack of consistency and ever changing lifestyle. So much has altered for me at such a swift pace these last few months, I think I have tangled myself…

Who owns you?

We all question ourselves. We all have doubts as much as we have hopes and dreams. Sometimes the question is as simple as 'what shall I wear?' Or it can be a little more complex, with questions like "am I ready to apply for that job?" Trauma and products of (ex anxiety) can make answering…

My skin itches

My skin sometimes itches. Seemingly from nowhere and for no apparent reason. I claw and claw until my skin is pink and tingly but still it itches. I twist my body like a rope trying to reach all the places where I itch and my organs feel crushed under the contortion and yet I cannot…

I’ve been away from myself (a morning journal)

I've not been writing in my journal or updating this blog since the altercation with the psych. It left me questioning myself and it left me in a pit of despair, scrambling to get out, bloody fingered and muscle worn. But I'm slowly beginning to see, sometimes 'professionals' judge us wrong. They insist they are…

I am not a violent patient (The morning journals)

I am not yet ready to fully explain what happened with the psychiatrist last week. I am still confused about who I truly am and my purpose. I am deeply depressed and have only survived this weekend thanks to my partner and that burden should not fall onto his shoulders. But mostly I am hurt.…

Why don’t you hear me? (The morning journals)

Sometimes I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. Like, I monitor myself constantly to the point of pestering myself but all those times I turned a negative to a positive appear to make no difference and I have reached the wrong conclusion about myself. I'm not changing. I'm not healing or anywhere near ready to…