I’ve made a huge mistake and I want to die

I can't do this anymore. I can't do what I was doing forever. So you see, I have nowhere to run and this point. I'm all out of road to run and hills to hop. I'm stuck, once again, at a crossroads but I'm pretty sure all roads lead to a big drop with nothing but concrete at the bottom.


Blogs evolve with their people

Wow! This blog has laid long forgotten in the back of my mind. It is not because I am well. It is simply a product of my lack of consistency and ever changing lifestyle. So much has altered for me at such a swift pace these last few months, I think I have tangled myself…

I’ve been away from myself (a morning journal)

I've not been writing in my journal or updating this blog since the altercation with the psych. It left me questioning myself and it left me in a pit of despair, scrambling to get out, bloody fingered and muscle worn. But I'm slowly beginning to see, sometimes 'professionals' judge us wrong. They insist they are…

When psych and neuro cross paths

It's been a while since I wrote. That psychiatrist has truly messed me up. He was cruel and pedantic and left me mind reeling with suicidal thoughts and deflated from hope. They often have this effect on me. I won't talk about the whole thing but I am appealing for a second opinion and making…

I am not a violent patient (The morning journals)

I am not yet ready to fully explain what happened with the psychiatrist last week. I am still confused about who I truly am and my purpose. I am deeply depressed and have only survived this weekend thanks to my partner and that burden should not fall onto his shoulders. But mostly I am hurt.…

Why don’t you hear me? (The morning journals)

Sometimes I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. Like, I monitor myself constantly to the point of pestering myself but all those times I turned a negative to a positive appear to make no difference and I have reached the wrong conclusion about myself. I'm not changing. I'm not healing or anywhere near ready to…

Disability is a loss and we are allowed to be sad

I often find myself lacking motivation. I never used to be this way. I was always motivated to go to the gym, go on a run, take a bus out of town to the woods, walk to see my friends, go to the pub and get up for college and work. You see what I…