This world does not accommodate me

People don't understand the full crippling effects of mental illness until it's them and most people claim to have depression and anxiety, because they felt down once, but fail to note that not everyone is cured after a visit to the GP and some Fuloxotine.

Routine and realisations (The morning journals)

I had a good thing going for myself when I moved into my new home. Despite all the stress I had managed to get into a small routine and install some hope into my heart for my future and then Dr Kershaw happened. We take for granted the little things like writing on our blog…

I am not a violent patient (The morning journals)

I am not yet ready to fully explain what happened with the psychiatrist last week. I am still confused about who I truly am and my purpose. I am deeply depressed and have only survived this weekend thanks to my partner and that burden should not fall onto his shoulders. But mostly I am hurt.…

Fat, fake and feeling unsettled (The morning journals)

I'm groggy today. My head feels as though brick dust is swooshing side to side against my skull and dripping into my blood stream bit by bit, building up, until I am a house of exhaustion. I'm a bit down on my body at the moment. Yesterday my Nan said I looked pregnant (bare in…

Dissociation & Grey areas (The morning journals)

I'm having my hair coloured today but out of the blue I have decided to have a dramatic cut. This may not seem like a drama based idea to many but for someone with strong emotional flares and personality alterations, it could be disastrous in a few days. You see, I'm prone to changes of…

I need to vent (The morning journals)

I lost it yesterday. I got angry, I said stuff and made some mistakes to try and distract myself from my emotions. But I also stood up for myself and said 'you know what, no, respect me or walk on by!' I'm still pissed off but I'm not allowed to be and now I feel…

Back to therapy (the morning journals)

Today is the day I return to therapy. It also signifies the day I start putting my morning pages onto my blog instead of into a notebook. I feel like an utter failure for needing to return to therapy, especially after just a few short months. I resent the fact I may well play the…